How to Build Rapport with Anyone

Have you ever really wanted to connect to someone but couldn’t get around the awkwardness? Join us as we discuss actionable tips on how you can approach that next conversation with a stranger at a networking event, your team, your supervisor, or family and friends.

Today we will be joined by Founder of People Formula and social psychologist, Robin Dreeke!

Former Head of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, Robin Dreeke shares his experiences recruiting foreign spies for the FBI and reveals:

• How to build rapport without coming off as creepy or suspicious
• What to do when people have their guards up
• His four pillars for making the entire conversation about the other person

TIME STAMPS

[04:20] Introduction to Robin Dreeke

[05:19] How long was Robin Dreeke with the FBI?

[05:35] What Robin Dreeke does as a behavioral analyst?

[06:47] Robin Dreeke on recruiting foreign spies for the FBI

• What is the process of recruiting a foreign spy? [07:24]
• How do you get close to a foreign spy to recruit them? [09:30]
• Don’t the spies see you coming and have their guards up? [10:34]
• Two methodologies that intelligence services use - covert approach or the beacon approach [10:51]

[11:37] How do you build rapport in a way that doesn’t come off as creepy or suspicious?

• Robin’s three anchors
• Have a healthy and professional relationship [12:22]
• Have open and honest communication and transparency [10:35]
• Be an available resource for the success of others without expectation of reciprocity [12:49]
• Four pillars to making the entire conversation about the other person
• Seek their thoughts and opinions [13:17]
• Talk in terms of their priorities [13:21]
• Validate who they are without judging them [13:28]
• Empower them with choices [13:40]

[18:16] Lessons Robin learnt when he was ranked last out of all the second lieutenants in the Marine Corps

• How to be a better leader — Make it about everyone else but yourself [18:23]
• The new car effect [19:14]

[19:56] Robin’s advice on how to build rapport at a networking event

• Look for someone who’s smiling [20:31]
• Seek their thought or opinion about a third-party reference [20:44]

QUOTES

--- On behavioral analysis

• Behavioral analysis throughout my entire career both inside and outside the FBI really came down to communication with people and leading.

— On leadership

• Leadership (at least one aspect of it) is moving towards a goal with either one or a group of people.

— On recruiting foreign spies for the FBI

• My job inside the FBI was to strategize how to recruit a foreign spy. And that requires a massive amount of behavioral analysis to come up with ways that strategize trust and strategize a strong, healthy relationship.

• It [recruiting foreign spies] is basically trying to recruit individuals that are part of diplomatic establishments and embassies and missions that are pretending to be diplomats but, in